So tomorrow I am going on a first date - my first first date for a long long time. By which I mean something like six years, considering my last relationship (which was four years long) ended about two years ago. Why the huge break between ending that relationship and deciding to embark down the magical road of another? I had too much crap going on in my life (what with my dad's medical stuff) and recognized that I barely had enough emotional energy to keep myself sane as it was - there was no way I was going to enter into the roller coaster that equals embarking on a new relationship until I got my life sorted out a bit. Which I think that I've done, to a certain extent. My dad's cancer hasn't come back, and I'm motoring along quite nicely in regards to my university studies. Hence, the first date.
But what exactly does one do on a first date? My friends are no help at all on this matter - they are all either in relationships, not interested and never have been (yes, asexuality exists) or have a completely different approach to dating than me: ie; sex on the first date is totally a-ok. In fact, sex even without dating is great. And while I wish that I had the emotional capability to go "yay orgasm!" and not get emotionally tangled up with the person, I suspect that casual sex is something that I just will never be able to do successfully. As one of my friends so eloquently said once, my heart lives in my vagina.
So, the trick is to choose a place on a first date that is not conducive to sex, which means public setting over private house. Which serves the dual purpose of allowing me to run away if it turns out that this guy is a psychopath or something. It's nice to be prepared!
The internet tells me that if I'm feeling nervous and stressed out about going on a first date, that I should back off and wait till I'm feeling more comfortable with the person. But that seems counter intuitive to me - how the hell are you supposed to get to know someone better before you start dating them? Are you supposed to psychically connect up with them? Mind meld from a distance? Still, I get that you should go into a date feeling confident and sure of yourself - if you're feeling nervy then you're probably going to make a bad impression. I for one talk a million miles an hour when I'm nervous, and also talk about really really inane things.
I've stumbled across a list of "good" first date locations, and I'm a bit confused. How on earth is taking someone with you on your first flying lesson supposed to be a good way to get to know people? Also, there is no way in hell that I would ever want to meet someone I'm trying to wow with my sexiness at a 3k bike ride for charity. Ever. Seriously. I would be puffing away, bright red in the face, and pouring with sweat. I'm pretty sure that even for people who are like nine billion percent more fit than me an uber long bike ride would not be the best way to go. I've got to say that this sentiment also applies to taking a yoga class together. Even if I was super flexible and crazy fit, I'm not sure that getting to know someone while twisting into interesting poses is really going to be the best way to go about a first date.
Does she look like she's about to tell you about herself? No! She looks like she's concentrating on not falling over, or maybe even on not breaking her back!
I think a lot of people miss the point on what first dates are meant to be - they're meant to be a time where you get to know a new person, and check if there's any chemistry between you. It's not that hard! So obviously a first date needs to be in a setting conducive to this sort of communication. Translation: You need to be somewhere you can talk! It helps if you go somewhere that has a natural end in sight, so you don't find yourself awkwardly trying to figure out how to leave and not having an out. Going to places like a cafe or a restaurant, or maybe even organising a picnic, is perfect. You get to talk, and the end of the meal or coffee gives you a natural opportunity to leave if you want to. Dinner and a movie, which is an old standby, works as well if you're worried about not having anything to talk about, because you can always just talk about the movie. But, there is the awkwardness factor of sitting in the dark next to someone you barely know.
If you're looking for something a little more active, then going to an outdoor festival, or maybe even the zoo, could work as well. But whatever the case, the most important thing is that you allow space to talk. Because otherwise you and your date are going to make your judgements based only on appearance.
For my first date, it looks like we will be going for a walk on the foreshore in South Perth, and then grabbing breakfast at one of the many cafe's along Mends Street. Well, I'll be grabbing breakfast, he'll most likely be eating lunch. I've made it pretty damned clear that I'm the least successful morning person around. Which totally reflects my current plan of being brutally honest about personal habits from the start - no need to go into a relationship expecting one thing and winding up with something completely different!
Fingers crossed that it goes well - I'm a bit nervous about what I'll wear. I had initially thought "Heels! Heels are sexy!" but then I realized me + walking long distances in heels = awkward fest. Seriously. So, all star chucks it is!
I'll write something in a few days saying how it goes. But seriously, what's the worst that can happen? He says "Gee, sorry to have wasted your time, but I'm not that interested in you." Or I say something like that to him.
Just as long as something like this doesn't happen:
Also, how much does that blonde girl look like Billie Piper?
